In this article, you’ll discover:
- Practical tips for maintaining emotional balance and resilience during the ups and downs of military life.
- Strategies to cope with long deployments, frequent moves, and the stress of frequent separations.
- How to stay connected with your partner and keep the romance alive during long distances.
- The importance of building a strong support network and using military resources to thrive in a military marriage.
- Real-life advice and actionable steps to help you strengthen your relationship and handle the unique challenges of being married to someone in the military.
Tips for Surviving a Military Marriage
Marriage in the military can sometimes feel like you’re on a rollercoaster. Between the frequent moves, long deployments, and the stress of unpredictable schedules, it can be tough to keep a relationship strong. But don’t worry, it’s not all doom and gloom. In fact, with the right mindset and a few strategies, you can not only survive but thrive in a military marriage.
In this article, we’ll explore practical tips that will help you stay connected with your spouse during deployments, navigate the emotional challenges of military life, and strengthen your relationship despite the pressures. From learning how to communicate better to managing stress, we’ve got you covered. Whether you’re new to military life or have been married for years, these insights will help you and your partner build a resilient, loving relationship that can withstand the challenges of military life.
The Unique Challenges of a Military Marriage
The Emotional Roller Coaster of Military Life
Anyone who’s ever been married to someone in the military knows that it’s a whole different ballgame. There are moments of pride, joy, and accomplishment, but there are also plenty of emotional lows. The stress of long deployments, constant moves, and the uncertainty of military life can take a toll on both partners.
I’ve seen it firsthand in my own marriage. During my partner’s deployment, I often felt like I was holding everything together while he was away. Sometimes, it was hard to shake the feeling of loneliness or worry about his safety. It’s a natural response, but learning to cope with these feelings can help you keep a stronger bond.
The Impact of Deployments and Long Separations
One of the toughest parts of a military marriage is dealing with long separations. Whether it’s a short-term training exercise or a year-long deployment, being apart for extended periods is never easy. It can leave both partners feeling disconnected, stressed, or even resentful if not handled well.
But here’s the thing—staying connected during these times isn’t impossible. It just takes a little creativity and effort. Sending care packages, scheduling regular video calls, and finding ways to support each other emotionally can help bridge the distance.
Balancing Family Life with Military Demands
In addition to deployments, military families face the challenge of constant moving. Every few years, you may find yourself packing up and starting over in a new place. Managing this while raising kids or trying to maintain a job can feel overwhelming.
What’s worked for us is to keep a positive attitude about the moves and see them as new adventures. I’ve learned to get the kids involved in the process, and we make a point to find the silver lining in every move. This perspective shift helps us stay grounded and focused on what really matters.
Communication: The Lifeline of Military Marriages
Why Clear Communication is Key
When your spouse is deployed, communication is often the only way to stay connected. But clear, open communication isn’t always easy when there are time zone differences, busy schedules, or emotional strain. Still, it’s one of the most important things you can do to ensure a strong marriage.
I remember the first time my spouse deployed, and we struggled with not having enough time to really talk. After a while, we started setting aside specific times for calls or messages, even if it was just a quick check-in. Making communication a priority, even when it’s hard, helps keep the emotional connection strong.
How to Make the Most of Limited Communication
Sometimes, you don’t have hours to chat. During a deployment, communication is often limited to short phone calls or messages. How do you make the most of it? The key is to be intentional. Share small moments of your day, talk about what’s bothering you, and ask your spouse about their experiences.
It’s not about having a perfect conversation every time. It’s about staying consistent, showing interest in each other’s lives, and being patient with the limitations. In the end, it’s those little moments of connection that matter the most.
Using Technology to Stay Close
Thankfully, technology has made staying in touch easier than ever. Whether it’s using video calls, apps, or social media, technology can help you feel closer even when you’re thousands of miles apart.
There are plenty of apps designed specifically for military families, like “Skype” for video calls or “Couple” for sharing photos and messages in a private, secure space. My spouse and I used to send little “good morning” messages through text, just to remind each other we were thinking of one another. Even simple things like that can make a huge difference in maintaining emotional intimacy.
Emotional Resilience: Coping with the Stress of Military Life
Maintaining Emotional Balance During Separation
It’s not just the physical distance that’s challenging—it’s also the emotional strain. During deployments, you may find yourself feeling anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed. This is normal, but how you handle it can make a big difference in the health of your marriage.
For me, one of the best things I did was find a support network of friends and family who understood what I was going through. Having people to talk to, whether it was for advice or just to vent, made me feel less isolated. Don’t be afraid to lean on others, and remember that it’s okay to have moments of struggle.
Seeking Support: Counseling and Military Resources
Another resource that can be incredibly helpful is military counseling. Many branches of the military offer free counseling services for service members and their families. These services can help you process emotions, work through communication issues, or simply provide an outlet for stress.
I’ve also found it helpful to join online communities of military spouses. These groups provide a safe space to share experiences and get advice from others who are in the same boat. Sometimes just knowing you’re not alone is enough to ease the emotional load.
Managing Family Dynamics: Handling Military Moves and Changes
Handling Frequent Moves and PCS (Permanent Change of Station)
Military families often face the challenge of frequent moves. Whether it’s a short drive or a cross-country move, the constant packing, unpacking, and settling into new homes can be exhausting.
My best advice? Start early. The sooner you begin organizing, the easier the transition will be. Involve your kids in the process, and let them have a say in decorating their new rooms or picking new places to explore. Turning a move into a family project can make it a little less stressful and a lot more fun.
Making New Places Feel Like Home
After a move, it’s important to make your new home feel familiar and comfortable. For me, this meant setting up small rituals that helped keep some normalcy—like making our favorite family meals, finding a new park to visit, or exploring local shops. It’s about creating new memories while keeping the traditions that mean the most to your family.
Maintaining Intimacy and Romance During Separation
Keeping the Romance Alive from Afar
One of the hardest things about a military marriage is keeping the romance alive when you’re apart. But trust me, it’s not impossible. It just takes a little creativity and effort.
For us, it was about sending unexpected surprises, like a handwritten letter or a small gift. We also made it a point to have regular “date nights” through video calls, even if it was just watching a movie together on Netflix. Small gestures go a long way in reminding your spouse that you still care, even from a distance.
Reconnecting After Deployment
When your spouse comes home after a deployment, the reunion can be full of joy—but also awkwardness. It takes time to adjust to being physically close again, so don’t rush it. Be patient with each other as you reconnect and navigate the transition back to your “normal” life together.
Tips for Thriving in a Military Marriage
Keeping Your Relationship Strong Through Challenges
A military marriage is no easy feat, but it’s possible to not just survive but thrive. Keeping the lines of communication open, making time for each other, and staying emotionally resilient are all key factors. Remember, you’re a team, and the challenges you face can only make you stronger.
Celebrating Milestones and Achievements Together
Even when times are tough, it’s important to celebrate the good stuff—whether it’s an anniversary, a promotion, or a successful deployment. Celebrate these moments together, even if it’s from a distance. Acknowledge the hard work both partners are putting in to make it through.
Emotional Resilience: Coping with the Stress of Military Life
Maintaining Emotional Balance During Separation
Military life isn’t just physically demanding; it can be emotionally draining too. The stress of deployments, constant moves, and long periods of separation can leave you feeling isolated, anxious, or even overwhelmed. I remember the first time my spouse deployed, and I found myself constantly battling a sense of loneliness. But, over time, I learned that emotional resilience is key.
Here’s what helped me cope: I started small, finding little things to keep my mind busy and my emotions in check. Keeping a routine, exercising regularly, and journaling helped. Most importantly, I learned to be kind to myself. Not every day will be perfect, and that’s okay.
Seeking Support: Counseling and Military Resources
One of the biggest things I’ve learned is that it’s okay to ask for help. Counseling is not just for people in crisis—it’s a great way to talk through tough emotions and gain perspective. Luckily, the military offers a variety of counseling services for both service members and their families. Whether it’s one-on-one therapy or group sessions, seeking professional help can be a huge step in maintaining emotional health.
And don’t forget about other resources available for military spouses—there are support groups, online communities, and even spouse mentorship programs. These resources can help you feel less alone and provide advice from people who truly understand the challenges you’re facing.
Creating a Personal Support System
While military support groups are wonderful, you also need to build a personal support network outside of that community. This means finding friends, family, or even neighbors who you can turn to when things get tough. I made a few lasting friendships with fellow military spouses who became like family during the times my spouse was deployed. They were there to help me with everything from watching the kids to simply offering a listening ear when I needed to vent.
Managing Family Dynamics: Handling Military Moves and Changes
Handling Frequent Moves and PCS (Permanent Change of Station)
The military’s “permanent” moves can be a blessing and a curse. I’ve moved more times than I can count, and every move is a mix of excitement and stress. Whether you’re packing up for the first time or the tenth time, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the process.
Here’s the trick: start early. The earlier you start planning and packing, the less stressful the move will be. Trust me, I’ve learned the hard way. If you have kids, involve them in the packing process—they’ll appreciate being part of the journey and might feel less anxious about the change.
Also, take time to learn about the new area before you even arrive. Do a little research on schools, neighborhoods, and local activities. It’ll make the transition smoother and help you feel more in control.
Making New Places Feel Like Home
Every time I move, I make it a priority to establish some familiar routines—whether it’s finding a new coffee shop or setting up a new family activity. It’s about creating a sense of normalcy, no matter where you are.
For me, a new place starts to feel like home when I’ve made it “ours.” I hang up family photos, unpack the kids’ favorite toys, and make a list of local spots to explore. Doing this helps me settle in more quickly, which makes the stress of moving feel a lot less overwhelming.
Parenting in a Military Marriage
If you’ve got kids, juggling parenting with military life adds a whole new level of complexity. I’ve found that maintaining a consistent routine is key. Whether your spouse is deployed or away for training, sticking to a familiar routine helps kids feel more secure. Plus, it’s easier for you to manage when things stay predictable.
It’s also important to involve your kids in the process of change. I let my kids help with unpacking and setting up their new rooms—making them feel part of the experience helps them cope with the transition.
Maintaining Intimacy and Romance During Separation
Keeping the Romance Alive from Afar
Being apart for long stretches can put a serious strain on the romantic side of a marriage. But, with a little creativity, it’s possible to keep things fun and fresh. When my spouse was deployed, we sent each other care packages with handwritten letters, photos, and small gifts. I’d send his favorite snacks, and he’d surprise me with little trinkets from his travels. It kept the spark alive and helped me feel connected despite the distance.
You can also plan virtual “dates” via video calls. My spouse and I would “watch” movies together, even though we were in different time zones. It wasn’t the same as being in the same room, but it still helped us feel close.
Handling Loneliness and Staying Close Emotionally
Let’s be real: even with all the communication and creative ideas, being apart can be lonely. But loneliness doesn’t have to mean emotional distance. Stay emotionally connected by sharing your thoughts, even the small, everyday ones. I’d send my spouse random text updates about how my day went or about something funny the kids did. It’s those little moments that keep the bond strong.
Additionally, don’t be afraid to lean on your support network when things get tough. Being emotionally available to each other, even from afar, makes a huge difference in maintaining intimacy.
Reconnecting After Deployment
The reunion after a deployment is exciting, but it can also be a bit awkward. You’ve both changed, and getting back to physical intimacy takes time. I’ve found that easing back into it slowly and being patient with each other makes the transition smoother. Give yourselves grace and time—there’s no rush to pick up right where you left off.
Tips for Thriving in a Military Marriage
Keeping Your Relationship Strong Through Challenges
Military marriages are not for the faint of heart, but with the right mindset, they can be incredibly rewarding. One key to surviving—and thriving—is maintaining a strong sense of teamwork. When you approach challenges together, whether it’s a deployment or a PCS move, it strengthens your bond. Support each other, communicate openly, and always keep the long-term picture in mind.
Celebrating Milestones and Achievements Together
It’s easy to get caught up in the chaos of military life and forget to celebrate the little victories. Whether it’s an anniversary, a promotion, or just making it through a tough week, take time to celebrate! These milestones are a reminder of how far you’ve come together and how strong your relationship is.
Prioritizing Self-Care for Both Partners
Self-care might sound like a buzzword, but it’s crucial for military spouses. When you’re juggling deployments, moves, and everything else, it’s easy to forget about your own well-being. Trust me, I’ve been there. But taking care of yourself—whether it’s through exercise, hobbies, or even just quiet time—helps you stay grounded. When both partners make self-care a priority, the marriage benefits as a result.
Conclusion
Surviving a military marriage may seem daunting at times, but with the right tools, strategies, and mindset, it’s absolutely possible to build a strong, resilient relationship. By staying connected through communication, supporting each other emotionally, and making time for romance, you can navigate the ups and downs of military life together.
Remember, no marriage is perfect. But with patience, understanding, and a bit of humor, you can turn even the toughest moments into opportunities to grow closer. Your love doesn’t have to take a backseat to military life—it can thrive alongside it.
